Nina ♥ ☁ ☼ ★ ♬ (nunuuu) wrote,
Nina ♥ ☁ ☼ ★ ♬
nunuuu

A scuffed newness

Devout to depth—the thrust of my 2018. And walking in confidence, aka the last building block to lock into place at the eve of my 30s. It has taken me awhile to come to this point. I just want to mark this spot right here, because I'm feeling good.

Depth Year. It's a concept that I read about in one of my favorite blogs, Raptitude. It's worth a read, even if you feel like it's something you don't want to tackle Depth Year as a personal challenge. The simple version of it is this:

  • No new hobbies, equipment, games, or books are allowed during this year. Instead, you have to find the value in what you already own or what you’ve already started

  • You improve skills rather than learning new ones. You consume media you’ve already stockpiled instead of acquiring more

  • You read your unread books, or even reread your favorites. You pick up the guitar again and get better at it, instead of taking up the harmonica. You finish the Gordon Ramsey Masterclass you started in April, despite your fascination with the new Annie Leibovitz one, even though it’s on sale.

  • The guiding philosophy is “Go deeper, not wider.” Drill down for value and enrichment instead of fanning out. You turn to the wealth of options already in your house, literally and figuratively. We could call it a “Depth Year” or a “Year of Deepening” or something.

It's the intensity and timeliness of it that struck a chord. Why do we keep on buying stuff? Why do we move one from one hobby to the other, and never really giving it a chance? Why do we stockpile books?

Okay, maybe the last one is a stupid question.

But still. Depth year. One year of committing yourself to a kind of patience and focus that probably is hard to come by in today's world. Maybe we don't need to spend more of our disposable income to find ourselves. I know I've been guilty of buying my way into discovery. I'm excited to see where this takes me, eleven months later.

Also. Yes, confidence. Confidence, I've found, is a vale, a resource that you stumble on, a vista opening wide to you. At first, it's hidden to everyone else. You take tentative steps to see the lay of the land. After a while, you feel a definitive "oh, this clicks". And just like that, you suddenly feel free to invite people in, to see the scenery, the vastness of your sincerity to express yourself fully. What a joy.

It's not that nothing scares you anymore. Quite the opposite. It's that you finally understand that things will always scare you, but at your core, you understand that you are equipped to last through it, if not thrive. I may still jumble my words up, make dumb mistakes, meet people that terrify me, those are all certainties. But having a core of confidence, a genuine understanding of what I am capable of, is a catapult to greater things, may it be career, interpersonal relationships, anything, really.

I know I will still fuck things up. But I can own those fuck-ups as they happen and kind of just have fun hacking my growth, and enjoy the process.

I feel older. But brand new. With old things. That I'll breathe new life into. This year, the last of my 20s, will be spent optimizing my progress, going deeper, and mindfully finding spikes of interests that, who knows, will bloom into passionate preoccupations in my 30s and beyond. Honestly, I already found one last year (volcanoes! Which merits another blog post, really,) but somehow, I am certain that this just the precipice of an ever expanding curiosity.

So here's me, touching base, saying hello with aplomb. Let's get hacking.
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